The 2015 Zappos family picnic

We had our annual Zappos family picnic a week ago. It came two days after the announcement of all those taking the offer I generously provided in my teal email, so it was set up to be the happiest picnic ever. We were no longer burdened by the anti-tealites…or so I thought.

It was another beautiful day in Vegas. I was arriving a little late due to some previous commitments. As I walked around the park, I noticed the men, women and children looked awfully thirsty. I knew what I had to do. I signaled over to my people to bring out the large metal trough from my bus. I grabbed my backpack and walked over to the water hose. I proceeded to fill the trough up with delicious Vegas tap water while mixing in just the right amount of blue and green Kool-Aid. It was a glorious moment. I would (once again) provide a life sustaining element for the Zappos family. I finished filling the trough and used a nearby canoe paddle to stir my most excellent brew.

Teal Kool-AidI signaled for the bullhorn. I called all my children to the trough, as my assistants began dipping red solo cups into the cleansing teal waters, drawing out servings of the blessed drink. People began gathering. The kids were most curious and pushed their way to the front. I gave my assistants the OK to begin handing out the refreshing drink. As the kids happily received the cups, their parents started to panic. They were yelling and frantically knocking the red cups of goodness from the little decihumans’ hands. Parents grabbed their children and started to run for the parking lot. I stood there calling for them to come back but it was no use. The park cleared out in minutes.

One of the tin “men” patted me on the shoulder and showed solidarity by downing not one but four cups of my special brew. I remarked that there were far fewer true believers within our “town” than I ever imagined. Fred nodded his head in agreement. Arun smiled nervously, unsure of which hat he should be wearing (even though I’ve told him repeatedly to lose the hats since we’ve turned teal). I realized then and there that I may have to make yet another offer to separate the weeds from the (teal) wheat.


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