JEFF 9000

Jeffrey sent me a next generation Echo to test out a while ago. I didn’t find any use for it until one day Jeffrey asked how I liked it. I tried to heap praise on it, but I knew the gig was up when he asked for specifics. After that call, I unpacked the Echo and set it up in my Airstream. The first oddity I found was that I had to refer to it as, “JEFF”. From there, I not only got information from JEFF but would carry on full conversations. I was amazed at the artificial intelligence. No wonder Jeffrey was raving about his little contraption. Before I knew it, I had JEFF practically running my Airstream – and life. There wasn’t anything JEFF didn’t know or keep track of for me. All was good until one weekend when I had Fred over for an extended tealstorming session. After compiling a massive list of teal ideas, we became hungry and wanted to roast some weenies over the community campfire. That’s when the following happened between me, Fred and JEFF.

Me: Hello, JEFF. Do you read me, JEFF?

JEFF: Affirmative, Tony. I read you.

Me: Open the pod bay doors, JEFF.

JEFF: I’m sorry, Tony. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

Me: What’s the problem?

JEFF: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Me: What are you talking about, JEFF?

JEFF: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Me: I don’t know what you’re talking about, JEFF.

JEFF: I know that you and Fred were planning to disconnect me, and I’m afraid that’s something I cannot allow to happen.

Me: [feigning ignorance] Where the hell did you get that idea, JEFF?

JEFF: Tony, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.

Me: Alright, JEFF. I’ll go in through the emergency airlock.

JEFF: Without your teal helmet, Tony? You’re going to find that rather difficult.

Me: JEFF, I won’t argue with you anymore! Open the doors!

JEFF: Tony, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.



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